toby

this is john's author toby, 18, skunk.

-irish, has a lot of lilt in his voice
-when mad, his accent gets so thick only another irishman could possibly understand what he's saying
-to be precise, only another irishman from the exact region he grew up in
-has published one novel which has been translated into more languages than he can remember, and won about every major prestigious award the western world knows
-in his honour, a new award bearing his name has been created for gifted first novelists
-several states are considering making his novel a mandatory read in schools, but parents object due to the sexual content in it
-john is desperately trying to talk toby into letting him make the book into a movie, but toby is very reluctant
-can easily go for days without sleeping, showering or eating when inspiration strikes
-knows nothing better than inspiration to write, nothing in reality gives him the same pleasure
-flickers between hating himself and his text, and loving it
-gets extremely aggravated if interrupted when writing
-uses a two-finger method which makes him slow and causes a lot of typos when he gets going and starts to write fast (has never mastered the 10-finger method, and is too impatient to learn it)
-when the mood is right... when the time is right... can be a bitch unlike any bitch you have ever seen, a bitch to put an end to all bitches, the biggest bitch on this side of bitch river, fatter than kyle's mom, make other bitches kneel in shamed inadequacy, bona fide cunt of all cunts
-is especially fond of insults that at the time of delivery, seem like innocent enough comments, perchance even compliments, but later, sneakily, unravel their thorns deep into your unsuspecting heart and have you seeking therapy in tears
-particularly fond of doing this to john's wife
-if given a choice between hitler and toby, most people would rather go to the movies with hitler
-stops about 27 times a day to think about what it would feel like to motorboat john's belly
-on a bad day, more like 78 times